Saturday, December 12, 2009


A letter to myself
Hey you. You look nice today. Yes, even in your pajamas, sipping tea with your hair all mussed up and a slight headache. I know you’ve had a rough time lately. This year hasn’t been easy but it will get better. I know it’s hard to hear it from me, that some part of you doesn’t believe it, but I know that if you were my dear friend this is what I would tell you. You are beautiful. You are loved and you are stronger than you think.

A letter to my anxiety disorder
You’re a bit of a pain, aren’t you. Well it’s good to finally meet you, though I’ve known you for a while. Now I know who you are, I can recognise you. You have taken me away from my friends, away from life and so many exciting things in the world. You see you take a process that is really handy in response to, say, a ravenous lion; or a piano falling from a skyscraper above you; and apply to not-so-handy situations. Like getting on a bus, sitting in a restaurant or lining up at the bank. I am grateful to my body for having these responses like releasing adrenaline and making my heart beat fast so my muscles can carry me away from danger and maybe save my life. But you have to stop tricking my body into thinking that supermarkets are dangerous places. They’re really not. I don’t like being so scared and feeling like I may throw up or faint, and making excuses why I can’t do things and it’s starting to make me mad. I don't like that you've invited depression in to keep you company. So don’t get comfortable, generalized anxiety disorder. I have friends who have friends. I have backup. And your time is limited.

A letter to you
Hello. I like your shoes. Would you like some of my cookie? It’s choc chip, and I’m getting crumbs in the keyboard. I just wanted to let you know that I am a better person because of you. Thank you. You, reading this, makes me more open and able to share my thoughts and encourages a creativity that sometimes surprises me. You make me see the world in new ways. Your comments make my day. Your stories make me smile. Your empathy in bleak days and joy in happy times makes me wonder at humanity. You inspire me. Thank you.

A letter to tea

I like you very much. You are warm and comforting and oh-so-tasty. You make hangovers more bearable, sundays more lazy, you wake me up in the mornings, and give me a reason to get up and have nice little breaks that makes my work much nicer. You are an excuse to buy pretty mugs, and sit on the front step to watch the street at dusk. Keep being awesome.


Trudy from Nova Scotia said...

Hi =D I found your blog as a link off another blog that I no longer remember, and I've been reading it ever since, and I don't want to seem odd, or creepy, but you're so very interesting, and you make such lovely things that I keep checking in here, and wanted to finally say hello. And I like your shoes as well :D

pepper said...

sometimes you can get so used to being yourself that its nice to hear that other people think you're interesting. gee i hope that made sense! anyway thanks for saying hello :)

Rolley said...

aw I like your letters, remember a letter to alcohol too? :) hehe.. you're funny as well as a million other great things!

Take care, I like your frame of mind, it made me smile and nod like "yeah! you TELL that anxiety!! pwnt!" hehe.

Nicki said...

Hi Pepper,

I've been having computer problems galore (which has made blog reading a great trial!) so sat this morning to catch up....

I thought the first letter was to me....yup, I'm sitting here with my tea, hair mussed up.....funny!

And I love the letters....I have a bit of that anxiety too and it's like a ball and chain sometimes!

So....I'm waffling so will stop (and go and put the kettle on again.....)
Thank you for writing all that....and I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to try and make a cloud like yours today.
And I'm going to copy some of your to do list....and it's ok, I'm in England, so as I'm obviously having a 'single white female' moment you can rest assured that I'm just tooooo far away to worry about!!!
Nicki x

Miss Prudence said...

I peppy!

Nice to see to are recognising all facets of your life- letters to the self are a great way to own, accept or maybe even farewell aspects of ourselves that may cause us pain, be overlooked and / or under valued...great stuff! Hope your cloud is up for a while and you can luxuriate in that sink for a while...
the merriest of christmases to you and Nicki too (she may be around for a while *giggles*-she is funny!